Do you feel responsible for your own life? Do you express your own needs? Or do you expect others to guess them? Expecting others to guess our needs, to act on our moods, to make the first move, etc., is putting our happiness in their hands. It means remaining passive, being disappointed, feeling alone and unhappy.
Others are not at our disposal. They are not there to serve us or take care of us. Every adult is responsible for their own life and must attend to their own needs, expectations, and dreams, without expecting anything.
What do I expect from others?
Of course, it’s always nice to be pampered when you need it, but it shouldn’t be an expectation that you have of others.
Here’s a classic Claudine comes home from work tired and doesn’t feel like cooking. She would like her partner to cook for her but doesn’t say anything. She huffs and puffs, complains about her day, hoping he’ll figure it out on his own. When he doesn’t move, she ends up preparing the meal while grumbling. Inside, she resents her partner. She finds him selfish, feels like she’s doing everything alone, thinks he doesn’t pay attention to her, that he doesn’t love her that much, and feels worse and worse…
Take the time to observe and recognize the expectations you place on others.. To uncover them, remember that expectation creates lack. When you expect something from someone and nothing happens, you are experiencing a ck. You don’t feel good.
What do I bring to myself?
Of course we need others, to be listened to, to be loved. But what makes others listen to us or love us? Will others respect me if I neglect myself? Will others be able to love me if I feel lousy?
In the previous example, Claudine prepares a meal before taking care of herself, even though she’s tired. She could take a moment for herself to relax and clear her head. She could also clearly express to her partner that she doesn’t feel like cooking because she needs to relax. She isn’t listening to her partner’s need to rest but expects her partner to do so.
It is interesting to question oneself , to refocus and to ask oneself what one brings to oneself . Very often we are turned towards the outside. We take care of our house, our children, we invest ourselves in our work, and we do not take the time to take care of ourselves.
And that’s where we get into this waiting game. Yet, if you think about it, how can we take care of our children if we’re not well? How can we focus on our work if we’re not feeling well in our lives? Self-care should be our priority .
It’s not about selfishness but about having the right energy to be able to give the best of yourself.
I free myself so as not to be in waiting anymore
To take good care of yourself, it is essential to take responsibility . We are responsible for our health, our needs, and our personal development.
What would Claudine do if she were in charge? She could ask her partner directly if he would prepare dinner so she could rest, or she could pick up the phone to order a pizza, and she would go lie down or take a bath to relax. She would also ask herself about her fatigue. Is she getting enough sleep? Does she do an activity that helps her relax? Is she stressed about her job? What could she change to be less tired?
This means that it is up to us to make choices, decisions and actions that will help us achieve our goals .
More generally, being responsible means not waiting for the solution to come from outside, for the time to be right, for being in the right place, for meeting the right people, for having enough money, etc…
It’s about deciding when and scheduling it, choosing the place and going there, using your relationships to surround yourself with the people you need, and budgeting and making a financial plan.
Being responsible means no longer being dependent on others by becoming free, no longer being a spectator of one’s life and becoming a screenwriter, director, decorator, and actress of one’s own life.
